From Marian

 

My dear brother,

You’re the firstborn. You’re my older brother. In the primary playground at Grimmer Elementary I would be asked, “Are you Rhett’s little sister?"
I would be asked that because of the shenanigans  you got into and were known for during your years  attending there. I remember you teaching me the running man, the music of M.C. Hammer, Shai, and many many more. We would watch Disney’s “Robin Hood” on our VHS tape many times over and over. We would try to compete on our Nintendo games that Uncle Toy had bought for us. For for the first five years of my life, it was you and me with our five other cousins.

Then came our darling baby brother Matthew. He was the cutest little boy that grew up to throw tantrums, you and I would laugh each time we knew he was about to throw one. We had fun though with one another. It was games and fun with each other.. being the middle girl, I got to look up to you and then be bossy with Matt. Our parents took us on adventures whether it was camping or trips to Southern California, it was a blast and you usually included your annoying little sister with your adventures with our cousins in our tree house.

We had sleepovers at our cousins’ house, Friday night family dinners at our favorite Chinese restaurant in Hayward that served the best sizzling rice soup. You and I would argue during dinner who got the most stomach fat of the milk fish, we enjoyed many meals together Rhett. In our adult years, when you would cook for us it was the best ever because you would never serve anything less than amazing. I was so jealous of your roommates that got to eat your delicious cooking these past 6 months. You’re truly a Mandel and Ciocon through and through.

Your teen years came and I was the nosy little sister who knew that you were getting in trouble with your bad habits that you picked up. However, I always felt so cool when you let me hang out with your friends at our house or with our cousins. I saw Mama and Papa get frustrated with you and knew something was up. My heart felt so sad when we sent you the Philippines so that you could finish high school there. I remember being so excited each time we would get that collect call or I would get a letter from you. During my 7th grade year, I would write you letters in between classes ready to send the very next day.

As a young teen, I didn’t understand the troubles you were getting into when you came back from the Philippines and now as an adult I realize you were dealing with a lot. Oh if only I knew what I know now.. I would have done so many things but we can’t live our life in regrets. When in January you were entering treatment to deal with your problems, I was determined to be there for you. Not to give up like I did in 2015 the last time you sought help. I’ve expressed this before to others, my closest friends and family that I feel guilt because I felt so much relief when you left. I tried to ignore you for so many years when our relationship deteriorated 10 years ago. I was so angry with you for how you were acting not knowing what you were truly doing and that it was something else.

If anything this year Rhett, I was so proud of you of the changes you were making. I saw and felt the determination in you to be completely different. At a family meeting, you allowed me to finally express myself and accepted it. I felt relief that we left you in February in good terms. I remember after a phone call in May, June, July (I don’t remember anymore .. time passes so strangely in this time of pandemic) I remember hanging up after a decent conversation with you and saying “Wow, I can have a relationship with Rhett.” When you entered treatment, I decided to read more about it. I ended up picking up a book by David Scheff titled, “Beautiful Boy,” read it, and made Ma and Pa watch the movie with me. I understood what you possibly were going through. You taught me to have more empathy and understanding. I was not to judge right away. To completely understand where people are coming from. I wanted Mom and Pops to understand too. They did...they tried so hard. I could see the changes in them Rhett. You helped us to do that. We looked forward to our weekly Zoom meetings these last seven months  with the rest of the family and you would join!

My feelings of guilt are still there about not remembering how truly close we were. Matthew reassures me we were close. Mom and Pa reassure me that we cared for each other. As we are preparing to remember you, pictures and stories flowed in. There’s a particular photo that Auntie Jen sent in and I’m so snuggled up to you. Those feelings came back to me that I felt safe with you and looked up to you. I admired you. I let ten years of bad memories block the good memories of the past and of even the tiny beautiful moments we did have in the last 10 years. An old classmate reminded me how you would help pick her up when she was visiting California and how you drove us the beach. Memories of when you took me and another classmate to Michelle Branch concert in SF when I was high school came flowing back, You had to work on my 8th grade promotion but you met us afterwards at the restaurant with flowers for me. I remember the sushi dinners, Korean BBQ dinners, and our favorite was a BBQ in the backyard joking about our arteries getting clogged. My favorite was as adults having dinner with just the cousins and chopping it up with one another.

Why do accidents like this happen? It’s simply an accident. The Bible book in Ec. 9:11 explains why things like this happen. Wrong place, wrong time and many other circumstances, the pain is still so raw from that dreadful day and I see our parents and Matthew drowning in their grief, but Jehovah God has wrapped up in his arms of comfort by means of our wonderful family, friends, prayers, text messages, phone calls and so much more.

I forget how popular you are Rhett! I’ve reached out with the help of Matthew and Mom to so many friends from almost all aspects of your life. The stories that we heard and the love have touched our hearts Rhett. We are making a blog for you just like we did for Grandma just last month. You and I spent one Friday night writing up your experiences of Grandma and you had me cracking up with the stories from the Philippines. Two weeks before you called me the morning Grandma died and we were able to cry together. Death is a terrible enemy but I must admit I was touched that I got to cry and bond with you over our dear Grandma Alice. Now it’s your turn...the stories are pouring in and the photos. So many precious moments but it’s NOT ENOUGH! You died too young.

We were thinking covid would be over and we would be able to visit you once it got warmer but it never happened. We were robbed of nine months with you. The day you died, I just immediately thought “I need to see my brother, I need to see him” The short day in July didn’t feel enough but I could tell you were glad to go back to Huntington Beach and enjoy the beach and your new life. I smile thinking about how your style of clothing changed and you looked like a beach guy! I am so proud of you.

I wish I could text you “hey how’s it going? Good weather?” Or “hey what’s for dinner tonight? Did you have a good day?” I loved our video calls especially when you were near the ocean. Oh I loved the place you first lived at .. what a dream to walk a short distance to the beach. Your video calls from your apartment in Irvine were crap and you and I would bicker over who has the crappier connection. Sorry man, it turns out it was your place as some of us lost connection while cleaning up your place. Oh Rhett, I’m so glad we had one last video call November 2 and we had a tough discussion about your feelings but it was so nice that we got to handle and discuss it like true mature adult siblings. When we finished our conversation, I remember thinking, how else can I improve our relationship? I’m sad that we didn’t get a chance to do so.

I have a hope from our creator Jehovah God and it’s a hope that is sure. I will see you again on the Paradise earth like Jehovah promised in Psalms 37:29, Revelation 21:4, and Isaiah 65:21,22. I also know you’re simply sleeping as explained in Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10. I will take care of mom, pop and Matthew. Matthew is a grown man who had to deal with the hard stuff. You helped shaped our lives Rhett. You taught us so much and also were the cool kid.

Ha.. your love of anything Korean and skincare was hilarious to me. Btw your skin looked so perfect when I saw you for the last time on Wednesday.

Love you Rhett.

Your adoring sister,
Marian 

P.S. Thanks for bringing that crazy dog Baby into our lives.