My Cousin, My Brother, My Best Friend; The One I Looked Up To All My Life

For as long as I can remember, and from the day that I was born, Rhett has always been my closest companion in life. Being the second oldest cousin and the first male out of the twelve of us in our generation, he was 2 years old when I made my debut into this world. But we were surrounded by female cousins up until Rhett’s younger brother, Matthew, joined the ranks 8 years after me. Unfortunately, though, Matthew was still too young to join us in all our shenanigans. So, Rhett would kindly explain to him that he couldn’t go with us to where we were going and would bribe him with candy to stay home. It was just the two of us against the world. Rhett was my brother and best friend for all my life, and regardless of our age, he had always looked out for me in whatever way he could. Even though I outgrew him early on, I have always looked up to him in more ways than I think he actually knew.

Throughout my childhood, I would get excited for family gatherings, because almost always, he was there. Me and my partner in crime could always figure out a way to entertain ourselves, or get into trouble, depending upon how you looked at it. For us, Rhett’s house was the place to be. They had a big long private driveway that provided us with a safe sanctuary to keep us busy. We used the driveway to drive RC cars, ride our bikes, rollerblade and skate, and jump off ramps that we built. He had a basketball hoop where we spent a lot of time playing Horse. He had a treehouse in his backyard that would pave the way to so many imaginative adventures. We tied string from the treehouse to zipline action figures to the other end of his yard. When that wasn’t enough, we attached bottle rockets to make them go faster. It’s a good thing we didn’t try strapping the bottle rockets to ourselves when we decided to create a zipline for our use. When those boundaries became too small, we expanded our radius to include the field of Grimmer Elementary School on the other side of the cinder block wall, and train tracks that ran behind their backyard. If I’m not mistaken, we were gifted boomerangs from Uncle Nonoy, from when he went on his trip to Australia. So, we went over to the field at the school to throw them around. We did that for hours until we accidentally broke one, and had gotten the other one caught in a big pine tree. For all I know, it’s still in one of those trees.

We probably had a slightly unhealthy fascination with fire as kids, and I’m glad that we didn’t set anything on fire that we didn’t intend to. We weren’t exactly arsonists, but we obviously didn’t see all the negative consequences that could have ultimately happened, had things gone wrong. But we loved finding out what was flammable and what would give us a show. We created flame throwers with lighter and aerosol cans. He had gotten model rockets that we launched at the school, which for all I know, landed on some other planet, because we never saw them again... After a few launches we somehow had gotten the idea to repurpose those rocket engines. We pounded the propellant out of the tube with a hammer and collected the powder. We poured it into a plastic sandwich bag, stuck in a fuse, and tied it up. I think we expected more of a ‘boom’ when we lit it, but they turned out to create big smoke bombs instead. Then one day, we had the brilliant idea to create fire bombs using the same method, but instead of the flammable powder, we used rubber cement. We hopped over to the train track side of the cinder block wall, lit the fuse, and flung them at the wall. They splattered and we created a wall on fire. We were in awe. Fortunately, this burned itself out. I think this also led to our fascination with fireworks down the road. We later learned to make the cool kind of fireworks that went ‘boom’. We bought plastic garbage cans, filled them with water and dropped the fireworks into the water to watch it explode. It reminded me of the special effects that you see in movies.

Rhett’s family was definitely the family who usually had all the latest high-tech gadgets. Uncle Howie had one of the first VHS video recorders which he often used to capture family moments. In the mid-80’s he had filmed a wrestling match between Rhett and myself. (I’m still waiting to get a copy of the footage from that old VHS tape...) It turned out to be quite graphic for a couple of toddlers. To watch Rhett put me in a headlock and drop elbow bombs on me almost made you cringe. I got my ass handed to me, but in all fairness, he was bigger than me at that time. Thanks for egging him on Uncle Ed.

Rhett was the first one I ever knew who had an original Nintendo and we spent countless hours playing Nintendo games together. He was the one who taught me what you needed to do on Super Mario Bros. to get 100 lives, which gave you a better chance at beating the game. I never could get the timing right though, but he could do it almost every time. He was also the only one who I knew that had a video game cartridge with over 100 games on it, which he had gotten during a trip to the Philippines. Throughout the years, he would continue to get succeeding video game consoles. He even built several different computers for gaming. And there were countless nights when I would stay over and play Counterstrike on the LAN servers all night only to watch the sunrise. 

As we grew into our teens, we were still living in the day and age where we were told not to go too far and to be home by dark. In other words, to a couple of adolescent pre-teens, that meant, “Go explore the world!” In all honesty, I don’t really know everything that was agreed upon with his parents before we could leave the house, except for the time when we needed to return. But, there often was a sense of urgency to get out and about before too many questions were asked. Rhett was pretty good though about finding a payphone to call and check-in when he was supposed to. And whenever we were too far from home, Rhett always made sure that we would get something to eat when we got hungry. As kids, I remember he liked to get extra pickles on his Burger King Whopper. I once accompanied Rhett to his local barber for his weekly head shaving. Since I needed a haircut at that time myself, it was during that trip that I decided to have my own head buzzed for the first time. My mom was definitely shocked when she came to pick me up.

Equipped with our rollerblades, Rhett helped teach me how to navigate public transportation, using the bus system and B.A.R.T. We would wander around looking for ledges and curbs to wax and grind, finding ourselves at the Fremont Skate Park or the Irvington Community Center; or jumping stairs at Ohlone College. We ventured to places like the Tri-City Sporting Goods to check out the latest skating and sporting equipment; the Fremont Hub to catch movies; and the NewPark Mall to see what clothing was currently trending. In those days, the baggier your clothes, the cooler it was. Rhett introduced me to east coast hip-hop as we scoured through CD stacks looking for the latest Wu-Tang album. 

When I began to explore more of the nightlife throughout the Bay Area, Rhett was always down to go. We bounced around the bars and clubs from San Francisco down to San Jose. We often went out to see his friends Randy and Geoff, and their band “Shrinkage” perform gigs at many different venues throughout the East Bay. Rhett was the first one to ever invite me out to see a comedy show, where we saw Dave Attell at the San Jose Improv, during the era of his Comedy Central TV show “Insomniac”. I believe it was also the first time I met BJ, Shannon, and Spencer, who became some of his closest friends. For as long as I can remember, the friendships Rhett has made throughout the years have always been with some of the most caring, generous, and truly genuine people. There is no doubt that this reflected who Rhett was. 

We both cultivated a love for the game of billiards throughout the years. One of our favorite pastimes was to get together at the pool halls. We’d play 8 or 9-ball or practice trick-shots, while knocking back a few beers. I remember he had gotten a beautiful Lucasi cue stick which made a considerable difference in controlling our shots. Regardless of the wood he used, he never let me forget that if I made a mistake, he’d be right there to clean up behind me. He really was my favorite opponent in that game, and partner when we played doubles. We also spent many nights bowling at Cloverleaf Family Bowl, where he ended up joining the local league. Both of us also got into the game of golf at relatively the same time, too. And I think we were both surprised to find that the other had developed an interest, because we both used to make fun of the game before we each had tried it. In 2012, I had a job opportunity in Southern California and decided to move down. Leaving Rhett and the family behind, was one of the hardest things that I’ve had to do. The week beforehand, I had gotten a call from Rhett asking if I wanted to play a round of golf. I am so grateful that I didn’t decline that offer. We met up at Sunol Valley Golf Course, which has since been closed, and managed to snag a T-time for the last twilight hour. It was during this game that he had told me that he wanted to play one last game with me before I moved; because he didn’t know when the next time would be when we would be able to play together again. Though we had intentions to hit the greens once again, especially when he moved to Huntington Beach this year, that day in Sunol was the last time that I ever played golf with him. And it saddens me deeply because I feel like we have missed so much of each other’s lives for the past eight years, and now we won’t get a chance to really catch up on what we missed.

No matter what Rhett got involved in, his passion and determination made him excel in everything that he did. His genuinely kind and caring nature, was sincerely felt by those around him. His fuller than life attitude lit up any room he entered. Maybe that’s why I felt like family parties didn’t start until he arrived. Rhett’s overwhelming generosity was something to be admired. He always helped to provide the family and friends with anything they asked for and never asked to be reimbursed for anything. He picked up tabs before you could get your wallet out and made it very difficult to return the favor. He once gave me a watch because I told him I thought the way the seconds were displayed was pretty cool. It was purely just a compliment, but he took it off his wrist and made me take it. He loved to bar-b-cue and cook, and share in his bounty. I fondly remember him inviting me to his apartment when he lived with Eric; to bar-b-cue some ribeye and king crab legs to celebrate right after I had landed my first machinist job. I walked in his footsteps in that industry for about five years as he mentored me all along the way. His intelligence and critical thinking ability helped me through numerous challenges. His wise advice guided me to become humble and to willingly accept responsibility for my own mistakes. This has helped me to focus more on solutions rather than pointing blame. I can’t even begin to list all of the things that I have learned from him over the years. And as much as I think he doubted it, he very much led by example. Even though we had grown a bit apart due to my relocation, he was always just a call away if I needed him. My heart is so heavy and has never felt such a void, as it does now. I have never felt such a loneliness in this world than I do without you, cousin. I cannot keep the tears from rolling down my face knowing that I will never see you again, or talk to you, or golf, or shoot pool with you, or fish, or ride along the coast with you, or anything else that we used to do together. I will always love you my brother and cherish the time that we had. Until we can ride again… may your soul rest in peace, Rhett.

P.S.  Rhett… I got married.